The sincerity and determination in my voice matches the sincerity and determination in my eyes. My blog and my podcast are representative of who I am. They are not separate from me. As you’ll hear, I’m alone because I don’t want to play the game men and women usually play. The game is beneath me.

A buddy heard a song that said

“A single spark of passion can change a man forever”

Thank you, my sensei, for your spark.

Namaste

I want to be gentle with the soil I am tilling. It is too rich and fertile to treat poorly.

Namaste

The whitish-gray sky turns a bluish steel

Distant thunder pierces the man-made noise

Water from the sky falls in large drops

Bringing nourishment from the heavens

I sit back and close my eyes

Returning to my second home

The rain here dances to the same rhythm

Beating its moves into the waiting, fertile ground

It brings me to the same soothing state of mind

Remind of what is here

And what is possible

Namaste

I am a little shy, yes. It doesn’t mean I am distant, or arrogant.

It just means I’m watching a little more closely, that’s all.

Being present.

Namaste

A journey. A dance. A fight. A pilgrimage.

And now, an apprenticeship.

I’m not changing the rules of the game, only the description.

Apprentices become craftsmen. And a craftsman never stops honing his craft.

I want my craft to be life. And all that it entails.

Namaste.

(This post was inspired–partly–by Neil Peart, the drummer for the band Rush. On his website, it’s noted that he is a work in progress, and that he is engaging in the “endless apprenticeship of drumming.” Yep.)

Or, the end of the month.

I have a shirt that I can’t toss in the washing machine. I have to take it into the bathroom sink and wash it by hand. Rubbing it in the hot water, I look in the mirror. And going beneath the surface, I see…what’s good, what’s whole, what’s capable, what’s…complete. What’s there.

What have I learned this month?

I have been present. (Not that I haven’t been all along) No, it’s not a hard thing to see. I simply know my feelings.

The thing I want, and can’t have–that love I have discussed before–is present. I have not grasped, clung, hung on, gripped to it. No arrogance, no illusions, no delusions. No misplaced, misguided romance. It simply is. I have allowed it to be.

I am here. I am present. I am. With everything that is inside of me.

So, we will see what June has in store.

Namaste

Sleep lately has been good for my soul. After waking, from a night’s slumber or a nap, I feel that everything is where it should be in my heart and in my soul.

So this afternoon’s nap was, well, interesting. Because of the dream I had. No, not of the same vein as the one a couple of weeks ago.

It was a conversation with someone. Someone I know very well, as they know me. It was a shock to see them there.

As I said–interesting.

Do doors close? Maybe. But there are many doors. Especially the unexpected ones. Those can be the special ones.

Namaste

the cool thing about being yourself is that you evolve. you are never static.

My sensei also sent me this…

“Remember not only to say the right thing in the right place, but far more difficult still, to leave unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting moment.”

Benjamin Franklin

I’ve always believed in discretion being the better part of valor. Shyness and humility have their advantages.

Namaste

Oak, pine, walnut, maple, cherry, redwood, mahogany, chestnut, sequoia.

Many different kinds of trees.

Just like there are many different kinds of passion.

Nature loves variety.

Namaste.

It’s been said that youth is wasted on the young.

Not in this corner it ain’t.

Namaste

My sensei sent this e.e. cummings quote to me…

“To be nobody but yourself – in a world which is doing its best, night and day, to make you like everybody else – means to fight the hardest battle which any human being can fight – and never stop fighting.”

A fight, a dance, a journey, a pilgrimage. It’s never a fight against anyone or anything. It is a fight for what is good, what is whole. And, sometimes, it’s a fight for someone.

Whatever you want to call this, I am for, never against. And even as I rest, I am ready to soldier on, walk the path of the pilgrimage.

It is a shame my sensei and I can’t fight together. But, in a roundabout way, maybe we are.

Namaste

Yes, I have tangible goals.

A house (The concept of a modular house is intriguing)

A truck (But with gas prices where they are, this might be wiser.)

A career where I can work from that house when I want.

I’m flexible, though. A townhouse would suffice, and a smaller car would do the job. (Please note that flexibility does not equal weakness.)

But I would trade all of these for the goal of having someone to love. It’s the intangibility of giving my heart and soul to another that would have me give up everything right now.

I can buy a car. I can’t buy love.

Namaste

No, not really.

I haven’t written much in awhile. Not because I have run out of steam
or energy. I still have an abundance of both.

And it’s not because I don’t have anything to say. I have plenty to say.

I’m at a different peace, a different place. A place where my heart
shouldn’t be, but it is. A place not in convention, stereotype or limit.

My heart, my soul and my spirit continue to flow like a mighty river.
Their power nourishes me. I feel that power literally at every moment.

I just want that power to nourish the heart, the soul, the spirit of
another.

Namaste

This was one of this mornings where I went back to sleep for a while, and woke up again feeling better than before.

I wake up this morning at 100%. Not that I haven’t every morning, but now, moreso. Never at any point in my life have my heart, soul and spirit been as supple and as steadfast.

I feel good about how I feel and what I can do. As always.

Namaste

“There is no failure for the man who realizes his power, who never knows when he is beaten; there is no failure for the determined endeavor; the unconquerable will. There is no failure for the man who gets up every time he falls, who rebounds like a rubber ball, who persists when everyone else gives up, who pushes on when everyone else turns back.”

- Orison Swett Marden

A dreamy, sleepy reverie wraps her warm arms around me, caressing my soul and floating me off to deep, wonderful slumber.

I think back to today, and its beautiful azure skies and fresh, clean air.

My heart, my soul, my spirit, all move in the air, yet remain still and calm.

They marvel at the unbelievable state in which they reside. They play a very dangerous game of being in a place where they shouldn’t be, don’t belong. They give so much more than they receive. But they play there, knowing this place is where they belong, where they truly are.

Namaste, and goodnight.

I wear a lot of hats proudly. Not only that particular one.

Namaste

When a warrior learns to stop the internal dialogue, everything becomes possible; the most far-fetched schemes become attainable.

~Carlos Castaneda

(This has been hard for me to do–stop the dialogue, but it’s possible. I like Castaneda because he is a radical optimist. Namaste)

Meditation is not a way of making your mind quiet. It’s a way of entering into the quiet that’s already there-buried under the 50,000 thoughts the average person thinks every day.

Deepak Chopra

When the morning is silent like this, things settle to the floor, and it’s easy to see them, and just observe. It’s nice to be able to just be. Be unattached to thoughts and feelings and just watch them.

What’s there? What’s here?

Everything that has been there before. Everything is still there. Still here.

The heart, the soul, the spirit.

The feelings.

The pulses.

Namaste

More late-night thoughts

In short, a hacker discovers what is normally hidden to the common man.
-Elf Qrin

Chipping away at the carapace that’s there…

Namaste

(hat tip)

Late-night edition…

“We are not human beings having a spiritual experience. We are spiritual beings having a human experience.”

Pierre Teilhard de Chardin, Jesuit priest (1881-1955)

A different place, is where I am.

Namaste

(hat tip)

There’s nothing like a summer rain, and how two disparate forces–the steamy heat of the air and the fresh coolness of the rain–conspire, mingle, tussle and play with the senses.

Namaste

The more I root around inside, the more I discover to bring out.

Thank you, again…

God reveals himself in everything,
but the word is one of his favorite ways of taking action,
because the word is thought transformed into vibration.
The word has greater power than many rituals.
(Brida)

Just like him. And it didn’t stop him.

He gave everything he had. The least I can do is give some, too.

Namaste

Lies right here. Essentially, this is what I talked about last week with my friend and her mom. What are you going to do when it rains?

Here is a good takeout….

Consequently, it is nearly always the case that little more is expected of a man than that he has good looks, a good wardrobe, a good job, some or all of the most fashionable material goods, and that he is a good provider, a good sex partner, a good fighter, or just able to show a woman a good time. It is long after a man has been judged on the basis of such ‘cryteria’ that serious consideration — usually, too little too late — is given to whether his inner person is as good as his public image.

Let me be a little less humble here–I am more than my public image. I want the people I am with, and the woman I am with, to experience the deeper, richer, more soulful me. I want to exceed the expectations which seem so little, so useless, to me. I am so much more than what you see on the surface. The last thing in the world I’m going to do is hide that away. I want it to bloom like those cherry trees.

But all the time. Not just in the spring.

Namaste.

Every morning, my promise, my pledge, my renewal, is the same.

To wear, to live, to be, all the hats and all the textures that are me. To be everything that I am and to be everything I can be.

Namaste.

This is a good essay. Sometimes, I think it’s held against me that I’m single and a good guy. I am a good man. I do have flaws and failings. They shouldn’t be used as a hammer against me.

I have so much to offer to a woman–love, support, nourishment. I can’t give it the way I so want to, so this is the place where I have to give. Suspect or not.

Namaste.

But this one does.

My sensei, I’m not obstinate. I just am, just present. I feel what I feel in my heart, and I flow with it. Just like you.

Society doesn’t think that men are, or should be sensitive to feelings, matters of the heart. But I am.

My sensei, I lashed out when I felt my heart was under attack. As I’ve said, it is the most precious thing I have. I can’t give a woman anything more precious than that. All my heart wants to do is give itself. It hurts when it can’t.

Namaste

An impromptu retreat this weekend. A chance came to walk away from the blog. An opportunity to just be, for a while.

My soul took in the stillness. Drank in the nourishment, the fortification.

If the pulses are any indication, as I am now, I remain ready, willing and able.

Namaste

Orison Swett Marden – “A will finds a way.”

I want to practice, and be practiced in the light art of living.

There is one art I want no part of. I want nothing to do with the dark art of bullshitting a woman. It’s not good for me, and it’s not good for her.

Namaste.

The good and the bad, the happy and the sad, feed me I want all of their nourishment.

Namaste

My sensei, I haven't fought anything. I haven't clung to anything. I
haven't held on to anything.

Just like you, my heart has stirred me, and it has moved me.

Namaste

There are very visceral elements to you–mystery, danger, intrigue.

They only begin to touch who you truly are.

Namaste

To think of the calm, peacefulness, tranquility you see in me as boring, is not to see all of who I am.

As a blind man feels when he finds a pearl in a dustbin, so am I amazed by the miracles of awakening rising in my consciousness. It is the nectar of immortality that delivers us from death, the treasure that lifts us from death, the treasure that lifts us above poverty into the wealth of giving to life, the tree that gives shade to us when we roam about scorched by life, the bridge that takes us across the stormy river of life, the cool moon of compassion that calms our mind when it is agitated, the fun that dispels darkness, the butter made from the milk of kindness by churning it with the dharma. It is a feast of joy to which all are invited.

Shantideva

Namaste

Past performance is no indication of future results.

Namaste

Of course, as a man, I want to be captivated by the beauty of a woman.

I want to be enraptured by the soul of a woman, too.

Namaste

I love what the light, the stillness, the warmth of the morning do for me. The beautiful trinity fortify my soul, my heart. They remind me of what lies in me, and what I have to give.

Namaste

The sound of thunder reminds me of what I can be. Fortifies my soul.

Thank you Mother Nature.

Namaste

Yes I know–My greatest weakness is my greatest strength.

Namaste

If words are all I have to give.

If words are the only thing that is asked of me.

If words are the only thing sought of me.

If words are all I can give.

They will be the best words I can give.

Namaste