Good writing isn’t measured by the number of words you write, but the power contained in them.

–me

The morning brings light to the horizon

The morning brings light to the soul

Just like the rain that fell overnight to replenish the soil, my soul this morning feels the same. Ready to be more. Ready to be everything.

Namaste

The thunder rolls in the air

The thunder rolls in my soul

The lightning flashes in the sky

The lightning brightens my soul

The rain cools the ground

The rain cools my soul

The clouds part, the sky becomes clear

The clouds part, my soul becomes clear

Again…I don’t know why…

No, I haven’t been writing much lately. I need to replenish the well.

“Talent is only the starting point.” -Irving Berlin, American Composer and Lyricist

hat tip

I have a couple of things I want to riff on in the next few days. This is my way of remebering them.

Richmond, a city I love despite its lack of ambition.

One flight out of Brussels I didn’t want to take.

I could have all the money in the world.

With it, I could buy all the toys I ever wanted. As many iPhone 3Gs as I wanted. One of these. One of these. Several of these. And heck, one of these, too.

But.

I can’t but love and I can’t buy soul, no matter how much scratch I have.

And here’s the thing about soul. I want my soul to be moved inexorably, deeply, passionately. Even if I weep uncontrollably. Because even if I shed tears, I will smile soon enough.

Money can’t buy that kind of tectonic movement.

Of thoughts….

Meditate on that which is beyond words and symbols. Forsake the demands of the self. By such forsaking you will live serenely.

-Sutta Nipata

Breathe in, breathe deeply. Draw in the ego.
Exhale out, exhale deeply. Release the ego.
Release the ego.

Breathe in, breathe in deeply. Breathe everything in.
Exhale slowly, exhale richly. Exhale everything out.
And all becomes clear.

When my soul moves, I move with it. I can’t move against it. I know the rhythms of its waves. I swim with their currents.

To keep a lamp burning, we have to keep putting oil in it.

- Mother Teresa, missionary

Oil is always in my lamp.

Chehaw, young man, what do you call yourself doing?

I’m only being what I feel.

Any other time in the past, the situation I am in now would have worn me down, made me weaker.

This is not any other time.

It is a time where in every moment I become a little stronger.

My strength, my more-ness is for serving the heart of another.

I choose to be here, where I am, in a position of strength, a position of giving. A position of what is good.

Namaste

(Please forgive the self-reference)

I know what you’re thinking.

Day after day after day, chehaw, you write about the same thing all the time. Don’t you get bored? Don’t you think you anybody who reads this gets bored of it?

Matters of the heart are never boring. Crazy, wonderful, joyous, happy, sad, exasparating, awful, gloomy–yes. But never boring.

I have to treat my heart like a garden and care and water and nourish it. All I want to do is to give that same care and nourishment to the heart of a woman.

And that’s not boring, either.

Am I greedy for wanting more, for wanting to be more?

Yes.

And there is a simple reason for it. I want more, so I can give more to someone. And giving more to someone gives me more–heart, soul, love, spirit, passion, humanity.

Now, you may think this strays into smothering. I see myself as a gardener, and gardeners know that plants need love and care and nourishment.

I take care to make sure I don’t smother anyone. And to make sure I don’t smother me.

All of the words I write, the thoughts I think and the feelings I feel are nourishment for the soul. The rain, the sun, the wind.

So if I seem greedy, I am. Greedy to be enriching nourishment.

I never asked for more. I never asked for less. I asked for what was present.

In the Gettysburg Address, Abraham Lincoln talked about the “full measure of devotion.” That phrase sticks out with me now.

I want to give the full measure of my devotion to the people I care about. It’s not by smothering that I can achieve this. It’s by nurturing and nourishing–things men aren’t expected to do.

Sometimes, you have to exceed expectations.

I want to give the fullness and the richness of me to someone else. I don’t want to aim for less than that.

Unless there is a thunderstorm on the horizon, summer nights come on the gossamer wings of crickets, and general silence. The stillness allows for stock to be taken.

In a day, there are 24 hours, 1,440 minutes, 86,400 seconds. A universe in an hourglass. I treat everyday as a universe, silently, loudly, profoundly, lovingly, passionately, compassionately, harmoniously, spiritually, delving into its secrets, its mysteries, and making them my own. Making the impossible, possible. Then resting, allowing dreams to come to the fore. And as the sun rises, beginning anew.

This is how I am able to sustain and nourish my drive, my energy, my passion in the midst of heartache and longing.

Treating each day as an exploration, a mission, a discovery.

And the next. And the next.

Everywhere are signs…

Let’s be a little cheeky for a moment. Look at this sign…

The simple truth? Ok, yes, I’ll admit, I’m a guy, and yes, my heart can go south of the equator, as the kids say.

But, let me ask you this. Why can’t my heart be in the same place as hers? Who says it doesn’t belong there?

I need no one’s permission to keep my heart (and my soul and my spirit) where it properly belongs.

Namaste

I may seem like I’m selfish, writing so much about my heart and my soul. It’s only because I want them to be in the heart and the soul of someone else.

As with last night’s walking meditation, this morning, under warm blue skies, I meditated as I drove to work.

High-speed stillness, as it were.

If it is possible to be calm and still as the air rushed past me at 70 miles per hour, that was me this morning.

Moments like that are special, because as life turns and churns, places of stillness are cherished, to be used as fuel for the day ahead.

So what do I find in these moments?

Not less, but…(you can complete the sentence)

When I look inside of me, I can’t find the capacity to be less of me. Less of who I can be.

I don’t feel sorry or apologetic about where I am.

I feel…good. Confident.

When I look inside, I see a man who is loving, giving, protecting, compassionate, soulful, heartfelt, spiritfully deep.

I don’t want my words to be mere words. I want them to be actions. I want them to be nurturing. I want them to be nourishment. I want them to last, to have energy and verve.

I’m happy to have everything intangible I have. And I am happy that I can give it. I just want a vessel to put it in.

A passenger next to my driver’s seat.

Instead of treating the moments of my life that moved my heart, my soul, my life, like yesterday’s garbage, I will carry them proudly, joyfully in my heart, my soul.

The beautiful things in my life will be treated as such.

I’m not being ego-centric or arrogant as I write this.

But, why, if I have everything to give to someone, why should I give less? More importantly, why should I be less than who I am?

I’m not struggling with my position now–I am where I am, and enjoy having everything to give.

I am more than what is wanted. In Paris, I said I wasn’t going to play small, and I haven’t. Every one of potential and possibilities I have has to manifest itself somewhere. I want it to be in the heart of someone. In lieu of that, it is right here.

Namaste

Blessed is he who speaks a kindness; thrice blessed is he who repeats it.

- Arabian proverb

This morning, because I wake up the same way. Eager and ready to be.

Being a southerner, I can be a little slow sometimes. And for that, I’m glad.

Namaste

Right now, in Brussels, it’s 54 degrees and partly cloudy. I would love to be walking home from Monkey Business, or Michael Collins, or Roxi. A smile on my face, the orange lights of the city guiding me along, watching the city fall gently to sleep.

View all problems as challenges. Look upon negativities that arise as opportunities to learn and to grow. Don’t run from them, condemn yourself, or bury your burden in saintly silence. You have a problem? Great. More grist for the mill. Rejoice, dive in, and investigate.

-Bhante Henepola Gunaratana, “Mindfulness in Plain English”

“If you don’t invest very much, then defeat doesn’t hurt very much and winning is not very exciting.”

Dick Vermeil, famous crier (and football coach)

I invest a lot.

(hat tip)

When it comes to silence and nothing, people tend to be perplexed and agitated by them. We are so used to going, going, going, that when silence comes, we can’t handle it. We become less.

Here’s what I’ll do instead.

In the midst of silence, in the midst of nothing, instead of becoming less, I’ll become more. More loving, more giving, more joyful, more compassionate, more soulful, more passionate, more caring, growing more, becoming stronger, more just being.

Trying to be the best of what life truly is. Instead of being less.

Namaste

The act of writing is a special one for me. All of the love I have that is ready to go, all of the heart I have that is ready to go, manifests itself here. I want my words to be actions, to be the warmth for the soul of another. When you read my words, you read deep into my heart and my soul. Everyday I reach into the soil and pull out a root. Everyday I reach deep into the muddy pond and pull out a lotus. I know from what people tell me that my words move them. Just think of what the writer can do for someone…

Today, I gave myself a great gift. It wasn’t a pair of shoes, or a shirt, or even a car.

I gave myself 10 minutes.

Ten minutes of stillness, quiet. Tem minutes to settle down, do nothing,  just be.

And now.

I just am.

What I am, who I am, and what I can be. A different kind of trinity. Not for myself, but for the heart of another. Instead of allowing this to be stowed away in some dark attic, I allow it to manifest itself here. I am just allowing the river in me to flow freely.

My sensei, even in silence, you give me great nourishment.

Namaste

I shake my head in amazament, that less is wanted of me. This is not my ego talking. This is something a lot deeper and richer expressing itself, manifesting itself…

The process of life is that, a process. I fight the idea of being complete because there is much for me to do, see, be, accomplish.

Think of our tree. Better yet, the rose bushes in front of my grandmother’s house.

They have to constantly be watered, tended to, pruned a little, monitored. Cared for. Never taken for granted.

Such as it is in life.

What do I want?

I want someone to plant their tree into the soil that is me.

If there is anything that leaves me disapponted, it’s this. It’s being asked to me less of who I am. I want to be everything I can be. The focus of my desires and the focus of my life deserve that. If anyone can explain to me why I should be less than myself, my humanity, I would love to know. I have great expectations for myself, and who I can be. I’m not going to play down to a lower level. It’s not right for me, and it’s not right for others I care about.

I, modestly, deserve the best I can be. Others in my life deserve the best I can be.

Namaste

When you are through changing, you are through.
~ Bruce Barton ~

I disagreed completely with Adam “Pacman” Jones going to the Jerry Jones Home for Wayward Souls, a k a the Dallas Cowboys. As prodigously talented as he is, I thought he was too much of a knucklehead to be on the team.

But.

It appears he’s turning over a new leaf. He wanted to be refered to as Adam, not Pacman. I’ll classify this as a good start. While there’s disagreement over whether this will amount to anything, I think it does. If you’re not right with yourself, you can’t be right with others. If wanting to be refered to as Adam is a first step for him, let him take it.

To submerge someone else’s humanity is to submerge my own. Why would I want to do that? My aim (goal?) is to enhance someone’s humanity. In turn, enhancing my own.

One of the problems with our society is disposability. Everything, it seems, can be throw away. Cars, paper, houses. People.

I will not allow myself to be thrown away. I renew myself at every moment.

If I may be so bold, I have a lot to give out. Why I should chuck it in the trash and pretend it never existed is unfathomable to me. So it stays out in the world.

I am the gift that keeps on giving.