My words stem from my heart and my soul and my spirit. Once in a while they may sting. But I am sincere with the good of what lies in me.

The best thing I can do for you as your friend is to be true to who I am. In this way, you will always get the best of who I am.

A Tuesday two-fer…

“What we think determines what happens to us, so if we want to change our lives, we need to stretch our minds.”
—Wayne Dyer

“Life does not consist mainly, or even largely, of facts and happenings. It consists mainly of the storm of thought that is forever flowing through one’s head.”
—Mark Twain

If you bring forth what is inside you, what you bring forth will save you. If you don’t bring forth what is inside you, what you don’t bring forth will destroy you.–Jesus

I want to (hope to) bring forth what is inside me–emotional and spiritual strength–not only to save myself, but someone else.

One of the reasons I sometimes don’t write much is to avoid repeating myself. I want to try to find new ground to till. But every so often I dig through the archives and find something that speaks to me again. Like this…

As with last night’s walking meditation, this morning, under warm blue skies, I meditated as I drove to work.

High-speed stillness, as it were.

If it is possible to be calm and still as the air rushed past me at 70 miles per hour, that was me this morning.

Moments like that are special, because as life turns and churns, places of stillness are cherished, to be used as fuel for the day ahead.

So what do I find in these moments?

Not less, but…(you can complete the sentence)

When I look inside of me, I can’t find the capacity to be less of me. Less of who I can be.

I don’t feel sorry or apologetic about where I am.

I feel…good. Confident.

When I look inside, I see a man who is loving, giving, protecting, compassionate, soulful, heartfelt, spiritfully deep.

I don’t want my words to be mere words. I want them to be actions. I want them to be nurturing. I want them to be nourishment. I want them to last, to have energy and verve.

I’m happy to have everything intangible I have. And I am happy that I can give it. I just want a vessel to put it in.

A passenger next to my driver’s seat.

It’s raining harder now, and if you could only hear the power of the drops pounding the earth. It is so rich and resonant, with the strength only Mother Nature can provide. This rainstorm reminds me of nights in Brussels when I fell asleep listening to the rain pound the windows of my duplex. This night takes me back there, to the frites, the jazz club nearby, the gin & tonic, the rain, the walk home as the city slept.

It is remarkable how evocative rain, and Mother Nature, can be.

Do you hear that?

It’s been raining off and on all day here. Cloudy, a little humid, showers and a rumble or two of thunder.

Now, it’s a steady rain that sounds utterly glorious. Usually, it’s a salve for a wounded soul. But tonight I feel in harmony with the drops beating down upon the trees and the ground. It’s a beautiful symphony only nature could play. To cap it off, I’m enjoying some turkey and red wine. Such a moment feels right.

Not thinking about anything is zen. Once you know this, walking, standing, sitting, or lying down, everything you do is zen. To know that the mind is empty is to see the Buddha…Using the mind to look for reality is delusion. Not using the mind to look for reality is awareness. Freeing oneself from words is liberation.

-Bodhidharma

Last night, once again, my dreams pointed the way.

In a couple of them, the weather was supposed awful. Rain, fog, much like it has been here this weekend. But the rain and the fog in the dreams I had weren’t a nuisance, but a source of wonder and nourishment.

Inclement weathe comes into life often. The rain and fog that form are a source of energy and strength to make it through.

This is an interesting thought I found on the web:

If what I am watching evaporated before my eyes, I would remain. Anne Truitt – Day Book

What does it mean? No matter what happens in life, I am still here.

Ok, this confuses me. But, practice, practice, practice…

Hear me, future disciples!
Your time will have been badly wasted if you neglect to put this teaching into practice.

What you should do is to know your own mind and realize your own buddha-nature, which neither rests nor moves, neither becomes nor ceases to be, neither comes nor goes, neither affirms nor denies, neither stays nor departs.

-The Sutra of Hui-Neng

hat tip

It started 18 months ago, when I decided to not just lose weight, but to change the way I ate. In the bargain, I become more conscious of not only what I fueled my body with, but what I fueled my soul with.

Then I met someone a little more than a year ago, and things didn’t pan out the way I wanted them to. And in the bargain, instead of my soul being worn out (yet again), my soul has become stronger, and more nurturing. More ready to be whole.

My mind, my heart, my soul, my body are all one. They are like a jazz quartet. Individually they play well. But together, they are something else altogether. I want my mind, my body, my heart and my soul to be finely tuned, ready to play at any time. Ready to play their best.

I have be re-educated. Re-programmed. But instead of being a force for evil or for wrong, it is a force for good. That good is ultimately about me. If I can’t be good for me, I can’t be good for others. The duty I have to be good for me ultimately makes me unselfish–my good serves others. I am making my good greater than me.

Every moment, every day.

I’m linking to this post, because I was thinking today about the concept of sacrifice.

And I have more words on it…

Here is the thing about sacrifice. I have sacrificed large pieces of my heart and soul in a situation. And still, I have enough in the tank to regenerate myself so I can continue to sacrifice. I do not know where it comes from. Wait, I do–there are six billion people on this planet, and only one has been able to draw this out of me. That ability to sacrifice and regenerate and sacrifice and regenerate–it is a cycle that has not worn me out. Maybe it will someday, but someday is not now.

Believe it or not, I want all of my actions toward others to build them up, not tear them down. Sometimes my methods can be non-standard, I am looking out for you.

The one thing I cannot be is arrogant, as if I have all the answers to the mysteries and vagaries of the universe. I don’t, by any stretch. What I believe I have is the capacity to grow, to become whole. I want to give the best that I can, and give the best that I can be.

There are three great things a writer should have: a pen, a Moleskine and an iPhone with the WordPress app installed. Mobile creativity.

It’s time for another experiment.

Take the index finger and thumb of your left hand, and the index finger and thumb of your right hand, and put them together. Congratulations, you’ve made a triangle.

Mind. Heart. Soul. Three legs of the triangle. All connected to each other. All a part of the whole. They feed off each other and feed each other.

They are one.

Example: I dreamt last night that I went home. I saw my dad, my uncle and biked my way through my home town. So what did it mean?

It meant go home, not in the physical sense, but in the emotional sense. See, feel, experience what my mind, my heart, my soul have to say, and then go in that direction.

Go in the direction of being whole.

The intersection of mind, heart and soul in me is clear. To be whole, to give my wholeness.

After the dream, now what? Nourish, nurture, grow that wholeness.

Even if I sometimes stumble.

From Lao-Tzu

Here’s something that is dangerous about passion. Please–I am not knocking passion–it’s good. But…

Let’s play Mr. Wizard for a second. Get a banana, and some paper towels. Spread the towels on a table. Now, take the banana in your hand. Feel its heft. Hold it tight. Now. Squeeze it. Squeeze it until the solid form turns to mush.

If you hold on to something too tightly, you destroy it. If you have too much passion for something, you run the great risk of destroying the thing you love.

I have been accused of hiding any from someone. No. What I am doing is this: I have so much passion for one person that if I don’t call time out, there will be wreckage. That is why I have stepped away. That passion rages, and I’m aware that I have to…hide, if you want to call it that.

I am not going to squeeze the banana.

It leaves a mess anyway.

I am a finely tuned, finely honed instrument. I can tell when my systems are running well, and when they are not. (They are.) Right now, my systems are telling me that I’m good to go. I’m capable of a lot of things, even things people don’t want me to do. It’s not ego talking when I say I can be more (am more?) than what is required. It just is. I’m not going to pull down pieces of who I am and who I can be. I’m whole. I can’t serve up half a loaf to feed. Only whole ones.

Let’s see if I feel as good as I do now in the morning. I’m willing to bet on it.

In terms of emotional capacity, I am the Energizer Bunny. Going and going ang going.

I feel stronger, richer, deeper, fuller tonight. And you don’t know how good it feels.

I just finished writing a letter to someone, possibly the last time I will correspond with this person. Instead of being sad, I feel…light, calm. Good.

A note. Yes, I did sacrifice me. But, come closer and let me tell you something–I’m still here.

And always will be.

Vive stubbornness.

For weeks, they were gone. Those ever-present pulses I felt for a year. I know the reason why, and it was a good reason for them to disappear. Then, last night, they returned. This morning gave comfirmation of why. And now, here they are, dancing inside me as if they never left.

So let’s dance.

I’ll expand on this later, but I need to say it now. I’m not a great man by any means, but I try hard. I give my heart and my soul to what I do. That does not mean I will be taken advantage of.

Again, from Dr. King…

If you want to be important—wonderful. If you want to be recognized—wonderful. If you want to be great—wonderful. But recognize that he who is greatest among you shall be your servant. (Amen) That’s a new definition of greatness. And this morning, the thing that I like about it: by giving that definition of greatness, it means that everybody can be great, (Everybody) because everybody can serve. (Amen) You don’t have to have a college degree to serve. (All right) You don’t have to make your subject and your verb agree to serve. You don’t have to know about Plato and Aristotle to serve. You don’t have to know Einstein’s theory of relativity to serve. You don’t have to know the second theory of thermodynamics in physics to serve. (Amen) You only need a heart full of grace, (Yes, sir, Amen) a soul generated by love. (Yes) And you can be that servant.

hat tip here and here

Words written by Dr. Benjamin Mays, to Martin Luther King Jr.

A night full of dreams, heading into a certain dawn.

Good morning to you.

I have to go to the dentist for some work soon. I’m not looking forward to it at all. I’m hoping they knock me out so I won’t have to feel the pain that will come.

Being out when someone is rooting around in my mouth is one thing. Being anaesthetized to my soul and my spirit, I hope that never happens.

It’s been said that constant viligance is the price you pay for living in a democracy. I want my soul and my spirit to be constantly vigilant, constantly awake.

Namaste

Suzanne Vega, “Tom’s Diner” The remix. I’m not a Suzanne Vega fan, but loved what DNA did to the song.

I feel like I want to be in Brussels today. Or Paris. I just want to be playful today an not work.

Everyday the promise is renewed

To do a little better

To be a little better

As morning dawns

A new day brings with it

The same promise

To keep

To grow

To nourish

Again, right on time…

Vince Lombardi – “Confidence is contagious. So is lack of confidence.”

Not to the point of needing an escort over a span, but I know the fear of a bridge or two…

Harold McMillian was right.

This post is great, powerful and timely. The times we find ourselves in are uncertain indeed.

But fine swords are forged by fire.

A couple of takeaways…

Disaster is Virtue’s opportunity.

In like manner, all those who are called to suffer what would make cowards and poltroons weep may say, “God has deemed us worthy instruments of his purpose to discover how much human nature can endure.”

The staunchest member of the body is the one that is kept in constant use. We should offer ourselves to Fortune in order that, struggling with her, we may be hardened by her. Gradually she will make us a match for herself.

Beautiful stuff, and not just for men to heed.

I never knew David Foster Wallace. Sadly, I haven’t read any of his books. But I have read his commencement address to Kenyon College in 2005. And you should too.

Mr. Wallace died last week, apparently from suicide.

In the address, he talked about–life. And how to think. He acknowledged that there is a ongoing monologue taking place in your head. He talked about the real, true value of a liberal arts education. And freedom, and what a relationship truly is…

The really important kind of freedom involves attention and awareness and discipline, and being able truly to care about other people and to sacrifice for them over and over in myriad petty, unsexy ways every day.

Grab a beverage, give yourself five or 10 minutes. You’ll be glad you did.

So.

Why was I dreaming about riding through my hometown on one of these?

Interesting…

It’s been a long week, little blogging got done. I’ve got a couple of pieces to write, but in the meantime check out my StumbleUpon page and my Tumblr page.

Ah dreams. Dreams of work (blah) and dreams of kissing a long lost friend (hmmm). I love the subconcious.

Turn off the TV, turn off the iPhone. Turn off the radio. Walk away, walk outside into nature.

Notice that sound?

Birds chirping, wind rustling through the leaves.

Financial crises, the aftermath of a hurricane–can’t feel it, can you? The sun warms your skin warms your soul, and you feel like the concerns of the world lay a million miles away.

And when those concerns come, what do you do?

You breathe, that’s all. You feel your chest expanding and contracting, and those concerns are put at at bay.

For a little while.

If your engine runs hot and hard all the time, your engine will break down. You need your engine, your heart, your soul. Treat them well.

Namaste.

This post is very, very important to remember.

But…

I think I might buy a Chevy Volt. No, really, I might. And outside of a Corvette or an Avalanche, I’ve never said that about a Chevy. I never thought I would. The real question is–what took them so long?

A PM Dawn two-fer. “Looking Through Patient Eyes” and Set Adrift on Memory Bliss. I’ve always like these guys, and they never got their due back in the day.

I feel grateful–for everything.

Namaste

As the stars above make way
For the dawning of the sun
The first light gives thoughts of you

As the sun fades into the horizon
As the stars begin to twinkle
Slumber finds my soul
Resting on your shoulder

“Let us be silent, that we may hear the whispers of the gods.” - Ralph Waldo Emerson

(hat tip)

Here is an interesting exercise. How well do I know me? How well do you know you?

Let’s take the quiz…

I am–shy. Still am, at first. I am slow to warm up to people. But I do, especially if you are special.

I think–I can always do a little better. In what? In the things I do in life.

I know–I can love someone special truly and deeply

I have–a thing for double cheeseburgers

I wish–I could go bald. I love that look.

I was–hoping it wasn’t going to be hot today.

I hate–nothing. Life is too short to hate. (Well, I do hate the Washington Redskins)

I miss–Brussels. It is a second home to me.

I crave–those double cheeseburgers.

I search–for higher awareness.

I wonder–what it’s like to fly like a bird, or swim like a fish.

I regret–not having flowers in my hand that one time.

I love–jazz, brunch, a night drive, a kiss, the feeling of a job well done, traveling on an airplane.

I am not–an idiot.

I believe–in the best of what we can all do and be.

I dance–badly. But I try. I dance to my own rhythms.

I sing–Got to Give It Up by Marvin Gaye. Barely.

I fight–no one. I want my energy to build, not tear down.

I confuse–people.

I listen–to jazz, crickets, silence.

I can–be everything good I know I can be.

I am scared–of dying old and alone.

I need–an apple.

I am happy–when I can be everything for someone.

I imagine–living in a loft in Paris, writing and strolling the streets.

I tag–you.

Change seems to be the watchword of the day here. But whatever happened to innovation? Shouldn’t innovation take the reins over change?