“I am myself, and if I have to hit my head against a brick wall to remain true to myself, I will do it.” –Marlon Brando (with whom I share a birthday)

Unless you were sitting in it…

Bridge parts couldn’t take the wind.

DREAMER: Age of Introverts.

From the surprise, surprise department…

And I can be as guilty of this as anybody else…

Our Brains are Wired for Hypocrisy – Begley | Newsweek Voices – Sharon Begley | Newsweek.com.

Before I read this story, I had no clue who this guy was. But I’m glad he did what he did. If not, the likelihood of any of us being here would be very small. And it points to what I’ve been saying all year.

Happy Arkhipov Day, Everybody | David Berreby | Big Think.

I had a friend in Brussels who once said she was empty inside. And, meeting her for the first time, you’d think she was lying. Beautiful, outgoing, with a definite air of class to her. But in a quiet moment, she said that what I was seeing, wasn’t really there.

It’s a naive question to ask, perhaps, but how is it possible for anyone to be empty inside? Maybe I’m projecting myself out on others, because I seem to have a constant conversation going in me. What happens to us to make us empty? If I had to guess, it would be the quest for love.

It’s often said that the most important person we love is ourselves. We have, then, a constant responsibility to cultivate that our love of ourselves, so that we can love others. What good is it for you to love someone else if you can’t do the same for yourself? It seems selfish, but it really isn’t–What foundation of love with somebody are you tricking yourself into if you don’t have that foundation within yourself? To love yourself, you yourself have to see the dignity and respect inherent in you. Someone else can point the way, but that someone doesn’t have your eyes.

We want love to be this grand, glorious, mysterious, beautiful, romantic thing. And I’m down with that. But there’s a responsibility, too. We have a responsibility to give to ourselves what we want (and sometimes demand) from others.

Love ain’t all flowers and chocolate and 300-thread count sheets. It involves some work. And the most important work is done within you.

Real Love is not based on attachment, but on altruism. In this case, your compassion will remain as a humane response to suffering as long as beings continue to suffer.

- His Holiness the Dalai Lama

Oh, this is a deep one. It challenges our notions of what love truly is…

I went to the Jersey Shore yesterday morning, and made a little video podcast–something I hadn’t done in a while. The quality’s not the best, but the sentiment and the roar of the ocean are there.

I named my blog Never Too Late because I really believe that it’s true for me. I’ve been a late starter/late bloomer. Starting out well has never been a strong suit. I stumble, fall down, skin a knee. Then, comes the decision point–do I stay down, or get up? Invariably I get up, dust myself off and keep rolling. A good friend says I’m persistent, and it’s true. I don’t give up easily, though from afar it looks like I should. People tell me don’t get my hopes up, you won’t get what you want. Even without knowing it explicitly, I believe in the long game–in the end, you will be where you want. Of course, that means there will be suffering involved. Being human, it’s hard to come to terms with this, but it’s simply a fact. The thing is not to be held captive by it, but embrace it. As I quoted Winston Churchill two years ago, “If you’re going through hell, keep going.” I think we get into trouble by attaching too much significance to what we have and what we lack–cars, homes, lifepartners, trinkets, baubles. Who we are as humans, as ourselves, is key. Are we whole? Can we contribute to our communities, society, our friends and families? I don’t want to come off as some soulless, joyless, stoic, robotic lump.

The Adventurous Introvert: Introversion Is Not a Disease.

Pick up a college newspaper, and you’ll find some very good writing. Not everything is a masterpiece, but budding writers get a bigger platform to show their thoughts and skills. This, to me, shows some of that burgeoning thinking. He made a good points about how we seem to be turning ourselves into commodities, bits and pieces to be bought, sold, used. And, I liked his third point–that we’ve sacrificed our dignity in a constant race for attention and love. When will we learn that what we race around begging other people for, we already have in ourselves.

Caterwauling extroverts in a public age | The State Press – An independent daily serving Arizona State University.

I’m a slow eater. Maybe that’s a product of me being from the southern U.S., where we take our time and enjoy our our food. The other night, as I was eating a burger and fries, I noticed the texture and warmth of the medium-cooked burger, the crisp crunch of the bacon, the tanginess of the mustard, the juiciness of the tomato.

A couple of years ago I learned about mindful eating, and how you should pay attention to not only what you eat, how you eat, and the different tastes and textures you ingest. What are you putting into your body? Is it fuel for you?

The one thing that mindful eating does is it forces you to slow down and think–think about your food, where it comes from, what it is doing for you.

That notion, I think, is extendable into your mind and your soul. What are you putting into your mind and your soul? Where is it coming from? Is it good for you? Are you thinking about what you are doing?

The way you eat should mirror the way you act–slow, thoughtful, considerate, aware, present.

Think about that the next time you order a burger.

This, I find funny, not like the Colorado balloon episode.

AFP: Sunderland burst Liverpool’s title balloon.

Have we become so desperate, so needy, so starved for attention these days, that we are risking children, livelihoods and freedom for fleeting moments of fame? Is it all worth it?

The Balloon Boy Story: Suffering Exemplified – One City: A Buddhist Blog for Everyone.

I touched on it before, but it’s good to point out again because there is a life lesson hiding in plain sight in the owner’s suite. It doesn’t matter if you bench the quarterback, fire the head coach, fire the general manager. If the man who owns the team can’t look in the mirror and say that he needs to change before the team gets better, well, the team will never succeed.

Looking in the mirror at the well of roiling humanity that is you is never easy. And you’ll have to do it many times in your life’s journey. But lashing out at others and trying to get somebody else to do for you what you need to do for yourself will never get you anywhere. Sometimes the bravest you need to be is with yourself. You can’t hide from you.

We have a tendency to want silver bullets. If I have this car/house/job/relationship/these clothes my life is complete. Your life is a project, one that is never really complete. You are a work-in-progress. Sometimes the work is slow, and there are no fireworks. But you know what? That’s when the good rooting, foundational work takes hold.

DailyOM – Becoming a Better Person.

DailyOM has these great articles every day, and this one dovetails nicely into what I’ve been riffing on lately. I’m not saying that I don’t want to be in a relationship–I’m saying I’m whole, and not a cardboard cutout or a cartoon character. I will be treated wholly, and completely. That’s basic stuff.

DailyOM – Yes People.

Last night I had a slew of dreams–about two ex-girlfriends, money and a road not taken. What do they all mean?

In one standout dream, I asked, “what did I do wrong?” She didn’t have an answer.

I was driving home today, listen to the radio, when a commercial pops on mentioning something about RAQs, rarely asked questions. Hmm, that’s an interesting concept. What the questions people rarely ask you?

I was watching the NFL games yesterday, and I noticed something disturbing–the mediocrity of the teams playing. The Cleveland/Buffalo game–putrid; Jacksonville is hideous; St. Louis is awful; and many other teams are just skirting by. But the Washington Redskins and my Dallas Cowboys are examples of something that bothers me.

Both team owners are rich beyond belief, and don’t hesitate to spend that money. (For the Cowboys, see exhibit A.) But for all that cash they dole out, their records–regular-season and post-season–show nothing more than mediocrity. Take the Cowboys. No playoff wins since 1996. Washington’s record is just as bad. And I think I know the problem, and it’s not coaching. It’s ownership that believes they know more about football than established general managers. They hire coaches that good men, but weak and malleable–guys who won’t challenge their authority. The owners’ egos are larger than the team, and the teams wallow in subpar seasons.

Firing the coaches is a popular move, but a bandage. Firing the general managers would help, but not much. The real key is this–the owners have to give up control and understand they are in the way of their teams’ success. Check your ego at the stadium entrance and realize you don’t know as much about football as you think.

Having a huge ego and maintaining excessive control are different ways of saying hanging on too tightly. The only thing these guys should be hanging onto is the Vince Lombardi Trophy. Well, just the Cowboys…

Saying no is one of the hardest things we have to do. We want to please those we love and care about, and sometimes loving someone means saying no, for your good and their good.

This year I’ve had to say no twice (earlier in the year and just a few days ago). To say no in these situations is hard, but needed. I would have to cut myself into pieces, and I would wonder where those pieces are. Pieces of my soul. I’m a whole human being–or trying to be. Cutting out pieces of my dignity and self-respect isn’t the way to achieve that. I want to be the best person I can be–the best worker, the best life-partner, what have you. Trying to achieve something like that isn’t away about saying yes, it’s about saying no, being comfortable with it and being ready for the consequences.

Ahhhh…

I want to pose a question–I was thinking about introversion and black men. Here’s my theory–take Tony Dungy, Tiger Woods, Barack Obama and Michael Jordan. Four black men, four introverts, four very successful men. Is their introversion the reason for their success?

As this article points out, being black and an introvert ain’t easy. The culture at large has its own ideas of  what you should be and tries to penalize if you don’t measure up. Forging a path when you have those kinds of weeds in front of you is hard. But having the examples of those four men helps immensely. They’ve persevered in spite of the obstacles that were (and in some cases still are) in the way. They are, to my mind, the epitome of what a strong black man should be.

(I want to put Mike Singletary in this introverted category, but I don’t believe he is. No matter, though–I’ve always admired and respected Samurai Mike. Plus he looks like my dad.)

While I was looking up some information on Miles Davis, I came across an article on his “Tutu” album, and the real meaning of the coolness of Miles…

He has been called “the coolest man who ever lived,” and such hyperbole suggests an intuitive recognition that his coolness was about more than just pose, that it was about his capacity for maintaining dignity under pressure…

I found out that “tutu” isn’t just the last name of a famous archbishop, but a word, and a concept…

In sculpture it is shown by the absence of violence in the facial expression or gesture; in the dance by the withdrawn expressionless face of the dancer; the chief should always benave calmly and unemotionally. This last criterion has been reported also by Warren d’Azevedo among the Gola of Liberia: ‘The pinnacle of success . . . comes with the ability to be nonchalant at the right moment . . . to reveal no emotion in situations where excitement and sentimentality are acceptable — in other words to act as though one’s mind were in another world. It is particularly admirable to do difficult tasks with an air of ease and silent disdain.

The concepts of zen are similar. A cool detachment to what is happening, but your awareness of what’s happening remains sharp. From a distance it looks like distance and aloofness, but you are present, and aware. What’s amazing is the universality of this concept, where Eastern and African peoples see and react to their environments  and themselves in similar ways. Wonderful discovery…

Yes, his city lost out on the chance to host the Olympics. But this is a nice consolation. And he’ll probably look good in white tie and tails, too.

Obama awarded 2009 Nobel Peace Prize – CNN.com.

Writing should be about addition, not subtraction. I want to add to life, humanity, people through my words. I don’t want to take down or take away. I want what I have in me out into the world. Maybe it will brighten someone’s day, or make them think, or challenge them in some way. Who knows. But addition by addition should eb the name of the game here.

What I’ve written below isn’t a rant per se. It’s more of a re-affirmation, a re-statement, of how I expect to be treated and how I will treat others. Simple as that.

Something else that makes me angry…

Cluelessness.

As in–having to wait 10 minutes while someone nonchalantly checked air pressure on all four tires at a rest stop today, while making three people–including your humble servant–wait and wonder about the abject cluelessness of someone who can’t see other people waiting and not bothering to hustle themselves along.

If it is possible to be dead asleep while being “awake,” I think I saw it today.

rant over….

When I’m angry–which is rare–how do I try to overcome it? The last thing I want is to be consumed by it. I can feel the anger boiling in me, and it’s an awful feeling–my body feels tense, and the energy to restore it to normal is draining. One solution–breathe. Sounds simple, yes, but it works. You’re sort of exhaling the anger out of you and inhaling positive energy. That helps, as does writing about it. What makes me angry? Not much, other than feeling betrayed or used. I want to be a good person, and a good man, but people often equate good with being weak and easily usable. And then they become upset because when you say no, I will not be treated like that, they realize they can’t control you. I’m not into controlling people. and I don’t want someone to think that they can do the same to me.

Rare is it for anything to age well on its own merits. Bridges need teams of workers to climb over its girders to make sure none of its pieces are crumbling to dust. Buildings need a sandblast to clear decades of grime from their facades. Even our bodies need to, as my doctor said, “flatten the downhill slope.” So when something reaches 50 years old, that’s worth celebrating. And while Miles Davis’s seminal masterpiece “Kind of Blue” has reached that milestone, it is certainly not becoming a dowager.

It retains its vitality and verve even through all the tumult in the jazz world, not to mention the world at large. As Davis’s friend Quincy Jones said, “It’s a record that sounds like it was made yesterday.”

When someone asks for a good introduction to jazz, this is usually the gateway CD–not only because of its inspired improvisation (no notes for all the music, just a framework to play inside of), but also for the personnel, each legendary leaders or sidemen in their own right.

Miles Davis’ masterly ‘Kind of Blue’ turns 50 – Music- msnbc.com.

There comes a moment, at night, when everything is still. No computer or TV going, BlackBerry and iPhone not screaming for your attention. No wind or creature stirring outside. Even the jazz has gone silent. In that moment, you’d swear that you were alone, the world wrapping you in a blanket and stepping away from you for a while.

Being alone is not a scary thing, nor a sad thing. That is, unless you have problems with who’s there…

Just who’s flying this plane???

Twitter / BNO News: Indian police file assault ….

It’s not that I’m a curmudgeon or anti-social, but I said no again. Hard to do, yes, but it had to be done.

Here are some cool posters inspired by the great sayings of Winston Churchill.

Motivational Posters: Winston Churchill Edition (Part I) | The Art of Manliness.