how i need to be loved

or…how i want to be loved…swapping need for want can be easily done here.



I can’t think of a less worthwhile pursuit than sitting at a restaurant assessing each other’s suitability.

–Seen on an eHarmony profile

I don’t think it’s cynicism at play here, it’s cutting through the pretension of dating, the kabuki dance, the game-playing we all do. But hey, that’s the socially acceptable thing to do–and it helps keep restaurants in business.

Seasons of change

They’re both gone.

My dad’s mom had a heart attack on Mother’s Day, and died that afternoon.

My mom’s mom had a stroke a few weeks later. She passed away just before Father’s Day.

One grandmother I didn’t know well; the other, raised me when I was little. On my refrigerator, there’s a picture of my mom’s mom and me on the edge of her bed, her with a smile, and me sucking my thumb. Why, I’ll never know. 

There are scenes from that week at home after my granny died. The wheelchair ramp that was over the stairs, now in pieces in the yard. The steady stream of family and friends visiting, with food in hand. The visitation at the funeral home, with my grandmother lying there in her casket, finally at rest from a life well-lived. The prayer circle in her yard the morning of her funeral.  The heat of that day. Seeing family I hadn’t see in ages. The crying. The moment in the church when they closed the casket, the last time we would see her face.

The deaths made me look at some things differently. My job, my life, my friends, my family. What’s important now? What’s not? It re-enforced the notion that nothing is permanent. Everything changes and evolves. We can’t fight that, as frightening as it is. If we fight change, we suffer. We have to roll with the tides of change…


My mom’s mom was quiet, determined, independent and caring. Those are things that she gave me. And I hope that I can keep cultivating them. 


For there to be true intimacy, you must begin with the process of truly knowing, understanding and falling “in love” with yourself. A healthy sex life cannot rely solely on your partner, it must begin with you and the relationship you have with yourself.

from a Huffington Post story, The Search for Intimacy

The process, not the goal

Loved the quote embedded in this post…

By looking at “love” as a goal instead of a process, we are set up for despair and failure.

I hear people saying that they want to “be in love.” So, my question is: once you’re there, then what? We all want love, and to be loved. But, we should think of love as a garden–for it to be beautiful, it has to be tended to, or it’ll be overrun with weeds.

Love is a conscious effort.

Forgetting About “The One.” (& Why it’s So Much Better This Way) | elephant journal.

A dangerous thought…

From the quickly-becoming-invaluable Facebook page Introverts Are Awesome…
Knowing how to be solitary is central to the art of loving. When we can be alone, we can be with others without using them as a means of escape.
I am a very dangerous man. Extremely dangerous. And not just because my middle name starts with a D. 
I recently told a woman that I’m at the point in my life where I don’t have any holes that need to be filled by a woman. Probably not the brightest thing to say–maybe it should have been stated more elegantly. But tis true. I’m fine alone. I enjoy my solitude. And I enjoy being in the company of a woman. But I’m with her to be with her, not to salve some pain, or to fill a gaping hole in my soul or psyche. And that goes against the grain of a lot we’re shown/taught to think and feel here. The quote above is really dangerous because it cuts against the grain of popular thought, popular feeling. We should not force ourselves, or others, to feel and be things for the sake of fulfilling empty shells and stereotypes. We should guide and help the ones we love to be their best. 
One can always hope.