Let’s be real


The year of reconciliation

2013 started on a sunny, but bitterly cold, Montreal morning, sitting across from a woman I hadn’t talked to in five years. I still remember the moment along the old port when she said “it is what it is”–a phrase she used to hate.

It continued in the spring, emailing again with a woman I hadn’t spoken to in a year and a half. 

They say three of anything is a trend, so the line continued when a woman I hadn’t spoken to in four months reached out. and we went on a 15-mile bike ride. 

I’m not sure what’s happening here. Has this year been the year of reconciliation? Possibly. Things happen sometimes when you aren’t looking for them to happen. Carrying drudges or harboring ill will does no one any good. You have to grow up, and continue to grow up. That means forgiving, letting go of hurt and evolving. Maybe that’s what i’ve done this year. 

i’m not looking to get back with any of these women. I’m looking to clear the air, and let go of some weight that doesn’t need to be there. 

Maybe I’m looking to close a circle. Or some circles. While I was in Brussels in November, I had dinner with another ex-girlfriend. We spent a very good night together, with her sons, as we reminisenced, reconnected–and her asking me a couple of questions that have stuck with me ever since. 

And just after Thanksgiving, the cycle repeated itself, back in the U.S. back in New Jersey. She went from girlfriend to life coach, and really helped to sent me on my way to many of the life changes I’ve made. 

As I was driving to see her, I asked myself, again, what’s going on here? This year, I’ve either dated, or have talked again to women I’ve dated. What does this all mean? Is there some greater meaning here? What will 2014 bring?

A dangerous thought…

From the quickly-becoming-invaluable Facebook page Introverts Are Awesome…
Knowing how to be solitary is central to the art of loving. When we can be alone, we can be with others without using them as a means of escape.
I am a very dangerous man. Extremely dangerous. And not just because my middle name starts with a D. 
I recently told a woman that I’m at the point in my life where I don’t have any holes that need to be filled by a woman. Probably not the brightest thing to say–maybe it should have been stated more elegantly. But tis true. I’m fine alone. I enjoy my solitude. And I enjoy being in the company of a woman. But I’m with her to be with her, not to salve some pain, or to fill a gaping hole in my soul or psyche. And that goes against the grain of a lot we’re shown/taught to think and feel here. The quote above is really dangerous because it cuts against the grain of popular thought, popular feeling. We should not force ourselves, or others, to feel and be things for the sake of fulfilling empty shells and stereotypes. We should guide and help the ones we love to be their best. 
One can always hope.